Tuesday, February 24, 2015

My (Fading) Relationship with Film

Today is a sad day as it is the day I realized I have fallen out of love with film. "An Education" happens to be the last film I watched before I came to this realization. I watched it, went to bed, and when I woke up, I just sort of realized that I've grown out of this particular hobby.

Oh it was a hobby, alright. In fact, a little more than that. It was once my hero, my escape, when situations were pretty difficult for me.

Film watching, at first, started as a favorite pastime when I, with the company of three other girls, often rented videos and watched them together in my friend's place after school. We watched comedies, horror, and some teen comedies with contents a little too mature for our age, to name a few. This, happened in junior high.

Later in high school, film watching served as an escape, a distraction, or maybe even a hero of mine because I had a hard time at school: I had no friends. So off I went to a nearby video store--conveniently located a few minutes' walk from school--and there I was at the cashier renting five films at once. Week in, week out I did this. It is no surprise then that I had watched a lot of films during this time. In this era I usually picked the films that have "Academy Awards" quite literally written all over it. There, on the cover. I watched "quality" films I didn't understand during these days. And romance. And comedies. Oh, how I remember buying one of those F.R.I.E.N.D.S box sets, playing it, and longing for the sort of friendship they had. Cruel and ironic, considering my situation.

Afterwards in college, getting access to films was pretty easy--they're at my fingertips. So I watched films because I enjoyed it, because it was easy to get it, and because I had no other visual entertainment in my room besides my laptop.

But now, even though it is still easy to get access to films, I no longer enjoy it that much. Because now watching a film feels like a hit-and-miss experience. Sometimes it's truly enjoyable, sometimes it's brilliant, but some other times, it's "meh", disappointing and unimpressive. Like a box of chocolate, you never know what you're gonna get. But what I do know is I dedicated two hours of my life and at the end of it, often it didn't give me the best return. It's like making bad investments, really. And I'm tired of it. I'm tired of spending two hours following the plot, the acting and the whole shebang and at the end of it... Fuck... Not impressed.

Maybe it's because I've seen a lot of them and I become more and more difficult to please.

Anyway, I do feel that lately I often feel unimpressed after a film. And I don't even watch films that frequently--maybe once a week. The problem is it's more often that I feel unimpressed than I am impressed. It's like sorting out the goods in the sea of the bads. And that, is tiring.

So, I think I need to take a break. Need to be away from films. Need to stop watching films (except maybe if the point of film watching is to hang out with friends). I need to miss films.

Then, until next time, film.