Monday, November 30, 2015

For Fuck's Sake! You're a Kid.

"I'm just a kid making movies."

At 25, Kristen Stewart said that. At her age, she still sees herself as a kid.

And that's where the problem is... For me anyway.

Part of my flaw is that at around her age--I'm only a year older than her--I cannot see myself as a kid anymore.

Things happened, experiences shaped a person. And I see myself as an already adult person. Not a kid. An adult who has to act accordingly. An adult who carries expectations from people around them. An adult who is supposed to reach a certain milestone at a certain age.

This trend of not being able, or refusing, to see one's self as a kid while they're barely in their mid 20's also runs among my closest friends.

But how is it that we 20 somethings can't see ourselves as kids? People who already hit their 30's or even 40 plus would most likely see people my age and think that we're still kids.

"Aw... You're still little. I'm twice your age," said my coach to then 24-year-old me after I told her about my age, causing me to grin on the outside but couldn't shake the feeling of being old on the inside.

So then, if older and perhaps wiser people see us as kids, why can't we do the same? 

It's a shame. 

I think by not considering yourself as a kid, you take away from yourself the permission to make mistakes. A kid would feel liberated and not worry too much. They just do. Metaphorically, they jump, they run around, they get dirty. They take chances, and if they fuck up, so what? They're just kids.

It's a luxury. It's a privilege. 

I envy and admire Stewart's ability to see herself as a kid still.